Growing up in the United States my family and I, for the most, lived on a military base.  Life was good yet extremely sheltered.  Although I was exposed to and befriended people from all over the world, secretly I believed I was the only one of my kind. 

Just prior to graduating from high school my father was issued PCS orders to Europe.  He was to report to Geilenkirchen, Germany (GK), a NATO base just minutes from the Dutch border.  Although my father had been overseas many times, my mother, kid sister and I had never been outside of the U.S.  We were all in for the culture shock of a lifetime.

Fortunately for this closeted teenager, Europe became my escape and in many ways my salvation.  I was all too familiar with the U.S. Armed Forces’ discriminatory stance on Gays and Lesbians.  And though outwardly people saw me as suffering from typical teenage angst, my behavior was a direct reflection of all that I was trying to hide. 

I could not shame my father by announcing my identity.  Up until the PCS to Europe, given all I had learned about Gays, I was certain that by “coming out” my father’s long tenure in the service would somehow be jeopardized.  As his son, it was important for me to remain quiet.

We were lucky enough to live in the Netherlands while my father completed his overseas obligation to the military.  No base housing meant that we were living in the real world, off base, “on the economy,” as it is so often referred to amongst military personnel.  This meant that we had to learn the ways of the locals.  We shopped using the Guilder.  I took lessons to try and learn the language.  The majority of our acquaintances were Dutch and/or German.

Europe, especially the Netherlands, is known for being progressive.  By the relationships that were created, my whole family began to see a shift in views.  Perhaps some things had always been but just never discussed.  We were learning the ways of the world. 

Though, for the most part, I remained in the closet I had a hand full of confidants that respected my secret and allowed me to be.  Having taken this first breath, experiencing this little taste of freedom, I was left gasping for air when we inevitably moved back to the States.

 My father had dreams of me joining the service.  Upon moving back to the United States, I was secretly already on the verge of suicide.  Fortunately my head was clear enough to know the armed forces were not right for me.  Besides, if DADT didn’t eventually catch up to me I was afraid that one of my would-be colleagues would; neither seemed very appealing.

The fears I had about being a Gay dependent of someone in the U.S. military can’t possibly compare with that of our Gay and Lesbian servicemen and women.  It is difficult enough to come out in the workplace if one is civilian.

365Gay features writings from Michael Duffy, an 11 year service member currently deployed to Iraq.    For protection from the U.S. Government’s unjust treatment of Gays and Lesbians, Mr. Duffy is obviously using a pseudonym.  He takes on the many challenges facing our service members, including what it is to be serving in a war torn nation while identifying as Gay.

The comments, left by his many readers, are just as fascinating as the topics Mr. Duffy brings attention to.  On his most recent post, How gay soldiers find each other, Duffy explores the false belief that Gays are anymore promiscuous than our straight counterpart.  His audience, consisting primarily of active and/or retired military members, has a lot to say about this particular subject.

A reader by the name of Chad explained that for him, the issue of promiscuity was not important.  What was important was establishing a support group that would respect him enough to keep his identity secret in order to avoid discharge due to DADT.  Chad goes onto explain that upon changing duty stations he lost that “close base of support.” 

Again, I can only imagine the fear Chad and others must face to avoid losing their jobs, their careers and potentially their lives.  Meanwhile the military’s stance continues to breed contempt for Gays and Lesbians throughout the nation.  DADT propagates hate and destroys what our servicemen and women work so hard to protect…freedom.

While Dan Choi and many other brave service members are currently being discharged for their identity, it is estimated over 36, 000 active duty members are serving in silence.  Further estimates indicate Gays and Lesbians make up an additional 29,000 guard and reserve members.  Is the U.S. military prepared to discharge an estimated 65, 000 troops simply for being Gay and Lesbian?  And at what cost to our nation?

Coming out in the work place is not the issue.  Having to remain secret about one’s identity for fear of losing everything is what is at stake.  Fearing someone may ask about whether or not you have a girlfriend, boyfriend (and now thanks to the five States that actually stand for equality, husband or wife) or something as simple as “what did you do over the weekend,” and having to lie about it, that is the issue!  Gay and Lesbian service members must be extremly covert in order to survive the very operation they’ve vowed to protect.  Per the many comments left by Mr. Duffy’s guests, straight service members could learn a lot about discretion from our Gay and Lesbian troops. 

Though I did not possess the discipline, the bravery and honor that one must have to serve in our nation’s military, I proudly stand and fight for our troops!  DADT must be repealed so that the United States may once again join the ranks of civilized nations.  Our servicemen and women, regardless of sexual identity, deserve to be honored.

To Michael Duffy and our many Gay and Lesbian service members: I salute you.  DADT will be stricken from law and Gays an Lesbians will no longer be required to serve in silence!